Let me start by saying that I run a competitive dance team. I have played volleyball, cabbageball, and softball, and I was a competitive dancer for 7 years. And that’s just extracurriculars…in school, I was in the top percentile of my class and involved in every club I could possibly join. I am a competitive person, yes? Glad we established that.

But my son, well. He’s just not competitive.

He just joined a baseball team for the first time. He doesn’t hit the ball well yet, and he can’t really catch or throw quite well either. And yet, after every strike out, every failed catch, what does he say?

That was really fun, mom.

But what does this do for my competitive nature? It takes nearly everything in me not to have him outside playing pitch and catch, fielding balls, practicing his swing until he’s too sweaty to see the ball coming at him. It’s so hard being a competitive person and having a son who is just in it “to have fun.” This goes against just about everything I’ve grown up believing:

Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Now, I took a step back recently and thought…what does this even mean? And I realized, it’s totally different for different people. For me, doing something well means doing something better than the average person…at least in my mind. But for my son, doing something well might just mean doing it to feel a sense of accomplishment and fun. Both are done “well” but there can be very different perceptions of what “well” even is.

So what do I do when I feel my competitive nature taking over and raining all over my son’s “fun” parade? Here’s a few tips:

Always make a point to ask your kiddo their “favorite part.”

At the end of every baseball game, instead of playing on the times my son did poorly (because let’s be honest, he’s still learning), I ask him what his favorite part was in the whole game. His answers usually surprise me and might even be something I didn’t realize mattered as much to him. It also helps him (and me) to focus on the positive, which is helpful for any overly competitive personality.

Remind yourself that they are still learning. And if that doesn’t work, remind yourself again.

I have to repeat this over and over to myself during practice, during games, and at home when we throw the ball back and forth. But I can’t say this to myself if I don’t take an active role in the learning process, right? Which leads me to my next point.

Be a part of the process. But not the WHOLE process.

You don’t want to be THAT parent that sucks all the fun out of it for your kid. Trust me, I’ve had some experiences with parents like that that would make your skin crawl. Take the time to be involved in the process of learning for your child but don’t force the process on them. For example, I make sure to go out and play pitch and catch with my big guy just so he knows I enjoy playing with him. Even though it’s super hot outside and I have a million work deadlines, I take the time to play with him.

If your child is a gymnast, maybe you can stretch with them at home or try to have your child “teach” you to do their tricks (within reason). If your child likes to read, ask them if you can go to the bookstore with them or help them organize their books in a new way. There are so many ways to provide support without being pushy.

So there you have it. Three tips on how to work with your non-competitive kiddo. While it may go against all we’ve ever known for our own fiery nature, our kids don’t always have to be the leader. Sometimes, it’s great to just be part of the team!

Until next time mommas!