My babies are my world.  Literally, my whole life revolves around those little squishy faces, day in and day out.  But it wasn’t always like that.

There used to be just one. 

For nearly five whole years, I only had one little monkey to mess with.  We were two peas in a pod, hung out like buddies, baked cakes together, and teamed up against daddy for just about anything.  If I was ready to go on a Disney trip, I put Andrew to the test.  He’d use that sweet little smile and infectious giggle and man if daddy could resist his charms!

So when I found out we were having another baby, I wondered how I could possibly give Andrew the time and attention he was so used to getting when he’d had me all to himself all these years.  It was bad enough he’d never slept a day in his own bed.  Now would I have two little guys in the bed with me?  Surely this wasn’t possible to maneuver.

But it was.  We managed.  And my boys are the best of friends, even 5 years apart.

So what’s my secret, you ask?  I may just have the world’s best children (and ask my friends…they’d tell you the same thing).  I’m very, very lucky in that department.  But I did make a conscious effort to share my love in a way that made Andrew feel like he lost nothing.  Here’s some tips from one gal to another:

Keep the schedule the same, whatever you do!  

This is more important the first few months when the baby comes home.  When Thomas was born, I still let Andrew stay in our bed for awhile.  It would have been terrible to kick him out of our room when the new baby arrived!  He needed to feel like nothing changed, like his spot in the household was secure.  We still went to school at the same time, and I still picked him up at the same time.  Dinner was still served at home, and mom made sure to fold the laundry.  Basically, it was business as usual in the house as far as Andrew was concerned.  But this took a lot of conscious effort!  I wanted to lay on the couch and nap, but I had to make sure my big boy knew things weren’t changing simply because a baby came into the house. 

Make time for your first child, alone, without the baby.

I have always made a point to make Mom and Andrew time.  We think about fun things to do together, and I invite him to come with me places that I could definitely do by myself.  I mean, of course I want to go to Target by myself..what mom wouldn’t!  But if Andrew hasn’t had mom-time, then we go to Target and play in the toy aisles for a little bit.  And the baby is nowhere around…Andrew has me all to himself. 

Remember what you used to do together but make new traditions.

Andrew and I used to snuggle together before bed, look at silly snapchat filters, and giggle until daddy would wake up and fuss at us.  Well, with a new baby, we couldn’t really do that anymore because we’d wake up more than daddy!  So now, we have mid-afternoon couch snuggles, looking at silly snapchat filters, and giggling at the playback.  We also sing in the car at the top of our lungs and laugh at ourselves.  Also, daddy would put Andrew to bed every single night, but now I do it more often.  I read 3 books and sing the special I Love You song that only the two of us sing.  This is a totally new tradition that couldn’t be done when he was sleeping in our bed.  So, new traditions can be just as good as old ones!

Encourage your first child to find ways to bond with the baby in his/her own way.

I found my instinct was to say “be careful!” or “be gentle!” every time Andrew went near the baby.  But I stopped myself, observed his interactions with the new little guy, and guided him into choices that made him feel included.  Was there a stuffed animal he wanted to share with brother?  Would you like to give it to him?  And then, when he put the stuffed animal over his face, I adjusted the placement when he wasn’t looking.  Fast forward to now, when Andrew is 7 and Thomas is 2, and Andrew is even more into sharing with his brother because it’s HIS choice to share…or so he thinks! 🙂

Make him/her feel like you need them to help you make choices.

This one is the hardest to manage with boys because they don’t always want to help.  I ask Andrew to help pick out his clothes, grab a lovie for him to hold, decide what snack he’s going to have.  Now, the clincher here is…you have to go with what they pick.  I’ve found that the best option for us is to offer Andrew a couple of choices to pick from so the baby doesn’t end up in a sweatshirt in 80 degree weather.  He’s gotten pretty good at it on his own though!

What else could you add to this list?  And how do you think going from two to three is different from one to two?  Let me know in the comments below!  Till next time, ya’ll!